New Hampshire: The Real Facts

Father / Daughter Talk . . . Sending a Clear Message

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs. In other words, the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from
across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go
in and meet with President Barack Obama.'
The Marine replied, 'Sir, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn't
reside here.'

The old man said, 'Okay,' and walked away. The following day, the
same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, 'I
would like to go in and meet with President Barack Obama'.
The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama
is not President and doesn't reside here.' The man thanked him and
again walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to

The cool facts abound ...

* Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.
* Sarah Palin once one a competitive eating contest by devouring three live caribou.
* Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.
* Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.
* Sarah Palin on the ticket retroactively makes the theme of #DNC08 “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead”
* Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
* Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.
* Sarah Palin was kicked off Survivor for killing a man and eating his entrails.

Democratic Convention Schedule

Denver, Colorado
4:00 PM – Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:05 PM – Singing of "God Damn America" led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM – Pledge of Allegiance to Obama
4:15 PM – Ceremonial Terrorist Fist-Jab led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM – Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire – Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM – Jesse Jackson Leads Castrati Choir in Singing "Great Balls of Fire"
5:00 PM – UFO Abduction Survival Tips – Dennis Kucinich
5:15 PM – John Edwards Speaks on "Family Values" via Satellite from Hotel Bathroom
5:30 PM – Eliot Spitzer Speaks on "Family Values" via Satellite from Emperors VIP Club
5:45 PM – Tribute to All 57 States Obama Has Visited

I have obtained an advance, annotated text of Michelle Obama’s convention speech tonight. As her water-carriers in the press have been reporting, the speech will introduce America to the “real” Michelle and Barack.

*************

Good evening, my fellow Barack Americans!

I am Michelle Obama. (Pause for adulation. Frown at insufficient applause. Wait for more.)

I am just an ordinary working mom from an ordinary town. A “civilian” innocent in the ways of politics. Just like you.

From Sen. Barack Obama:

Dear (Former) President Putin:

I'm sorry to be writing this e-mail instead of meeting you in person, preferably in the Oval Office, where I belong. Soon, soon.

Nevertheless, and notwithstanding the foregoing, I felt it imperative that I express my deep concern about Russia's invasion of the tiny, democratically elected sovereign nation of Georgia. It would appear that you are not familiar with my platform for change and hope. War does not fit into this template and I am quite frankly at a loss for words to express my deep, deep distress.

Scott Ott analyzes Saturday's Civil Forum:

The Saddleback Civil Forum Saturday night, hosted by best-selling author Pastor Rick Warren, was “utterly and shamelessly biased” toward Republican presidential nominee John McCain, according to a spokesman for the ‘Obama for America’ campaign.

Sen. Barack Obama, one of the two front runners for the Democrat presidential nomination, often seemed to stumble through his answers to Pastor Warren’s questions, continually glancing down to his right, with his head cocked at a 45-degree angle for nearly the entire hour.

Sen. McCain, on the other hand, gave crisp answers, looked directly at the television audience most of the time, and delivered what many pundits acknowledged was his best performance to date.

Now this is just New Hampshire funny.

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither
the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had
enough votes to win.. There was much talk about ballot
recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice
fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle
things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end
of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice
fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the
winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided

A little humor and a lot of truth...
The One

A Tale from the Land of Fifty-seven States

In the eighth year of the third millennium, near the time the earth's Great Cooling began, a London town crier called Gerard the Baker heralded the coming of the Child who was the Anointed One. The London Baker's news fell upon many among the people with shock and awe as it offered a gift uncommon to the silly season -- laughter.

It was also true that, in the Land of Fifty-seven States, there were those among the town criers who took note of the Baker's proclamation with cold silence, for they knew that the Child was Him who was of their choosing. They had selected him from the herd called Candidates.

LITTLE SUZY

Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign 'FREE KITTENS' next to them. Suddenly a long line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front,,,,

The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car.

'Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?' he asked. 'Kittens', Little Suzy replied 'They're so small, their eyes are not even open yet' 'What kind of kittens are they?' he asked. 'Democrats' says Little Suzy. The tall man smiled, returned to his car, and they drove away.

From Frank J. at: IMAO.

I got sent this, and thought I'd share:

June 27, 2008
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton
United States Senate
476 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510

Dear Mrs. Clinton,

I recently read where you have incurred substantial debt with your unsuccessful campaign for the Democratic Presidential nomination. Your plight concerns me and I would like to help as much as I can. I would certainly hate for you to feel pressured, due to the size of your debt, to support a candidate that you do not truly believe is ready to be "Commander in Chief on Day One."

My fellow Americans:

As your future President I want to thank my supporters, for your mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any legislative achievement, my pastor's relations with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator Moamar Quadafi, or my blatantly leftist voting record while I present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change.

I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behavior somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.

Snow White saw that there had been a terrible cave in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst. Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that some of the Dwarfs had survived.

"Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello" For quite a while there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White called again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?"

Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep in the mine. The voice said, "Vote for Shea-Porter, Hodes, Shaheen, and Lynch!"

Snow White, somewhat relieved screamed out, "Oh, thank God. At least Dopey is still alive!”

“I just shot a duck with my 9mm Sig-Sauer….”

That’s not Absolut, is it?

“Hmm…Maybe I can get some of Obama’s “youth vote” if I drink with them!”

3 AM Call...

The phone rings. Hillary Rodham Clinton picks it up.

"Yes?"

"Hillary, it's Silda Wall Spitzer. Sorry to call so late. Eliot's still not home. Based on your experience, what should I do?"

Welcome to the NHFacts.com Cartoon Caption Contest. This will be an opportunity for you to test your creativity and win a prize. Periodically, NHFacts.com will post a cartoon that cries for a caption and invite our readers to submit a caption. To learn more about our contest and see our caption writing guidelines, please read on.

To submit your for Contest #8, just submit an appropriate comment below. Please include your name and daytime phone number. Submissions must reach us by noon Saturday, March 8, 2008.

We'll post the winner's name and caption and the runners-up here - See below. Good luck, and have fun!

Caption Contest #8:

Welcome to the NHFacts.com Cartoon Caption Contest. This will be an opportunity for you to test your creativity and win a prize. Periodically, NHFacts.com will post a cartoon that cries for a caption and invite our readers to submit a caption. To learn more about our contest and see our caption writing guidelines, please read on.

To submit your for Contest #7, just submit an appropriate comment below. Please include your name and daytime phone number. Submissions must reach us by noon Saturday, February 16, 2008.

We'll post the winner's name and caption and the runners-up here - See below. Good luck, and have fun!

Caption Contest #7:

In a news conference Sunday, Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. She claimed she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. Because of this she understands how to pick up a corner blitz and knows the terminology of the Packers offense. She doesn’t have the arm to throw a sideline route but she can cope by throwing a lot of soft, five yard passes over the middle. She won’t wear a helmet because that might mess up her hair. If the other side refuses to stop blitzing, she will have a sit-down conference between teams during a time out so that the opponent’s aggressive behavior can be discussed and a mutual agreement to end blitzing can be worked out.