New Hampshire: The Real Facts

The cool facts abound ...

* Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.
* Sarah Palin once one a competitive eating contest by devouring three live caribou.
* Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.
* Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.
* Sarah Palin on the ticket retroactively makes the theme of #DNC08 “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead”
* Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
* Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.
* Sarah Palin was kicked off Survivor for killing a man and eating his entrails.
* Sarah Palin has asked the CIA to investigate, find and dispatch the person who started these little known facts (I’m hoping this isn’t true)
* Sarah Palin is actually Kaiser Sose.
* Sarah Palin can divide by zero.
* Sarah Palin can read EBCDIC (I liked this because I actually used to have to deal with mag-tapes with EBCDIC encoded data. Ugh! I’m old.)
* Sarah Palin poses more danger of creating world-destroying black holes than the Large Hadron Collidor.
* Sarah Palin is the only woman who can make Tony Romo WIN a playoff.
* Sarah Palin knows how old the Chinese gymnasts are.
* Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone.
* Sarah Palin is the “other” whom Yoda spoke about.
* Sarah Palin’s presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.
* Sarah Palin is allowed first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills.
* Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.
* Sarah Palin is on loan from the Justice League.
* Sarah Palin will send Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.
* If placed into Schroedinger’s experiment, both Sarah Palins remain alive.

* And what have you heard? Add your Sarah facts below...